There’s no such thing as risk-free sex. But there’s also no such thing as a risk-free life. Sports are risky, but lots of people play them because they bring joy to life. Sex can be incredibly fun. Get informed and make the right choices for you! There’s a lot in this section. You don’t need to remember everything. You can come back and reference it as needed.
The safest sex you can (not) have is abstinence — a totally legit option. If you want the lowest risk while still having a hot, sexy experience: solo or mutual masturbation (without exchanging fluids… i.e., don’t touch their genitals and then touch your own without first washing your hands) is the safest sex you can have and can be so epic.
How to talk about STIs and safer sex
Sex can be amazing. It can also come with real risks, including infection and sometimes pregnancy. Many people aren’t used to having open conversations about sexual health with their partners because… well… they were never taught and it’s almost never role-modeled in porn or TV.
But the truth is: the single best way to de-risk sex is to have open, honest conversations about sexual health — and make clear, shared plans for how you’ll handle things like STIs and/or pregnancy. If it feels a little awkward that’s totally normal. It gets easier with practice. And the bit of discomfort is far smaller than the discomfort of unplanned pregnancies or STIs.
The best time to talk is before the clothes come off — when you can both think clearly and choose intentionally. But if it slips your mind until things heat up, better late than never.
Start simple
You can say: “Hey, could we chat about safer sex? I’d love to check in about testing and what feels good for both of us.”
Share first
It helps when you go first:
“I was last tested in March, and everything came back negative for HIV, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis [list what you were tested for]. Since then I’ve been with two partners and used protection with all of them — how about you?”
Avoid using the word “clean” to refer to STI status… it perpetuates unneeded STI shame.
Then, if relevant:
“Also, what’s your birth control situation? I’d love to use condoms either way.”
“Are you on PrEP?”
A quick note if you have an STI
If you have a curable STI, wait until you’ve finished treatment before having sex. If you have a treatable STI (like herpes or HIV), it’s important to share that with partners before sex — so you can decide together what “safe enough” looks like.
Cover the basics
- What kinds of sex you want.
- When you were each last tested, for what, and what the results were.
(There’s no standard STI panel in America, so people are often tested for different things depending on the clinic.) - How many partners you’ve had since you were last tested and whether you used barriers with them.
- Are you on birth control? (if relevant)
- What protection you plan to use.
- Any other layers (like antivirals or PrEP), if relevant
- If you have different ideas about safe sex, default to the safer, more cautious option. And if you’re really far apart, you may not be compatible right now.
Remember
This isn’t about fear or shaming anyone. It’s about honesty, care, and trust. When everyone’s informed, you can relax, explore, and connect 
more freely.
STIs and STDs: what to know
STI stands for sexually transmitted infection, while STD means sexually transmitted disease. The term STI is more accurate — because many infections (like chlamydia or HPV) don’t cause symptoms or develop into a “disease,” but can still be transmitted. So, all STDs are STIs, but not all STIs become STDs.
STIs are common, treatable (though not all are curable), and nothing to be ashamed of. Regular testing, open conversations, and safer sex are part of caring for yourself and your partners. Most STIs show no symptoms, so the only way to know is to get tested.
The point of this video isn’t to scare you… or to get you to remember a dozen sets of signs and symptoms… it’s to help you understand the real risks of sex so that you can make informed choices in your life.
Instead of memorizing signs and symptoms, get familiar with what normal in your body and genitals feels like… so that you recognize when something feels off. And, because lots of STIs have no symptoms, get treated regularly if you’re sexually active.
The STI cheat sheet
Have enough info for your nervous system to relax and to know the risks… then go have fun. More than half of people will have an STI at some point in their lives. Some STIs, like HPV, are so common that most sexually active people will get them at some point — often without ever knowing. Get tested and have open, honest conversations.
Preventable v curable v treatable (the big buckets)
Some STIs can be prevented with vaccines
• HPV
• Hepatitis B
Vaccination can prevent these infections, but that’s separate from whether an STI is curable or manageable once you have it.
Usually curable (with the right meds):
• Chlamydia
• Gonorrhea (antibiotic resistant is an emerging issue)
• Syphilis
• Trichomoniasis
Treatable / manageable:
• HSV-1 / HSV-2 (herpes)
• HIV
• Hepatitis B
Can be either curable or treatable (depends on the situation)
HPV is the classic “it depends”: many infections clear naturally, some persist. Hepatitis C is often curable with modern meds, but it’s more commonly spread through blood-to-blood contact (like sharing needles) than typical sexual contact.
How STIs spread
There are three main pathways:
1. Fluids → mucous membranes
Some STIs spread when sexual fluids (semen, vaginal fluids, rectal fluids, blood) reach mucous membranes — the soft, absorbent tissue of the mouth/throat, vulva + vagina, anus/rectum, and urethra. Condoms and dental dams help a lot when used correctly and consistently because they block fluids from reaching that tissue. (Think: HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, trich.)
2. Skin-to-skin contact
Some infections spread through contact with infected skin (even without obvious sores or fluid) — which is why condoms and dams help, but can’t reduce risk to zero. (Think: herpes, HPV, syphilis.)
3. Blood-to-blood contact
A few infections spread when blood enters the bloodstream — most commonly through shared needles (including injection drug use), blades, or unsterilized equipment. Used needles are never “safe” just because time has passed. Hepatitis B is especially infectious through blood exposure; hepatitis C and HIV can also spread this way.
Activities by STI Transmission Risk
No risk
Hugging, massage, clothed dry humping, body contact without sexual fluids, solo toys, mutual masturbation without fluid-sharing.
Lower risk
Kissing, hand sex, sex with barriers used correctly, shared toys with condoms + cleaning.
Moderate risk
Oral sex without barriers, rimming, sharing toys without barriers, moving fluids between partners with hands.
High risk
Condomless anal sex, condomless vaginal sex, and sharing needles.
How to minimize risks
Hands
Hands can transmit some infections, but it’s uncommon. Risk goes up with cuts, visible fluids, or active sores. For extra peace of mind: wash hands, keep nails short, and/or use gloves. (Either buy powder-free gloves or wash off the powder on the outside before use. It causes friction and irritation.)
Toys (people forget this one)
Shared toys can transmit infections. Easiest fix: use a condom on the toy, then change it between partners and/or between holes — and wash toys with soap and water between uses.
Vaccines
Vaccines are an often-overlooked form of STI protection. There are safe, effective vaccines for HPV and hepatitis A and B — and they’re safe to receive even if you’re living with HIV.
The HPV vaccine is routinely recommended through age 26. After that, it can still be a good option up to age 45 depending on your situation — especially if you weren’t vaccinated earlier or have higher exposure risk (for example, if you have new or multiple partners, engage in anal sex, or have a weakened immune system).
U=U
If someone with HIV is on treatment and has an undetectable viral load, they cannot transmit HIV through sex. That’s U=U: Undetectable = Untransmittable.
HIV and AIDS are not the same thing. HIV is the virus. AIDS is the advanced stage of untreated HIV infection. Thanks to modern treatment, many people with HIV live long, healthy lives and never develop AIDS.
PrEP effectiveness (HIV prevention before exposure)
Oral or injectable PrEP reduces the risk of getting HIV from sex by about 99% when taken as prescribed.
PrEP only prevents HIV; condoms can add protection against other STIs.
PEP effectiveness (HIV prevention after a possible exposure)
PEP is highly effective when started ASAP (within 72 hours) and taken for 28 days — but it’s not a guarantee.
PrEP and PEP don’t interfere with hormonal birth control or gender-affirming hormone therapy (w/ the exception of ethinyl estradiol, now rarely used for gender affirming care)
HSV 1 + 2
Herpes is wildly common. And for most people, it’s incredibly manageable.
Most people have never actually been tested for herpes — even if they’ve had regular STI panels. Standard screenings usually don’t include HSV unless you specifically ask or you have symptoms. So you don’t necessarily need to sprint out for a blood test tomorrow… but it is useful to know whether you’ve ever been tested, so you can accurately tell partners what you do and don’t know.
If you have a sore that might be herpes — go get it swabbed. Swab tests on active lesions are very reliable. That’s the gold standard.
Blood tests are where things get messy.
HSV-1 blood tests can miss infections (false negatives).
HSV-2 blood tests can sometimes say you have it when you don’t (false positives).
So if you get a blood result, take it with perspective. Not panic. Not denial. Just perspective.
If you’ve had conflicting results and you really want clarity, there’s a Western Blot test through the University of Washington. It’s considered the most accurate option — but it’s expensive and overkill for most people.
A few important things people mix up
+ HSV-1 can be oral or genital.
+ A significant number of new genital herpes cases are HSV-1 transmitted through oral sex from someone who has cold sores or asymptomatic oral HSV-1 infection. So “I only get cold sores” still matters.
If you have herpes and want to reduce the risk of passing it on, the strongest combo looks like this:
+ Daily antiviral medication
+ Condoms and/or dams
+ Skipping sex during outbreaks
That combination lowers transmission risk significantly. Nothing makes it zero. But it can make it a lot lower.
Herpes is most contagious during an outbreak — when there are sores or symptoms — but it can also spread when everything looks and feels totally normal. That’s called asymptomatic shedding, and most HSV-2 transmission happens when no symptoms are recognized.
And finally: Telling partners you have HSV-1 or HSV-2 before you get intimate is a kind thing to do. Everyone deserves informed consent. It’s one of those moments where you get to practice being steady in your body while saying something vulnerable. And the people who handle it well? Those are the ones you want naked with you anyway.
Condoms + HSV-2 (per sex act)
One major study found condoms reduced HSV-2 transmission per act by about:
~96% when the HSV-2 positive partner had a penis and the HSV-2 negative partner had a vulva
~65% when the HSV-2 positive partner had a vulva and the HSV-2 negative partner had a penis
(Real-world protection depends on consistency and how much skin contact happens outside the barrier.)
Get tested
If you’ve never been tested as a sexually active adult, consider this your little nudge — it’s time. And if it’s been a while? Same deal. No shame, no stress… just care for yourself and the people you’re intimate with.
Where to go
If you have a regular doctor you trust, they can order these tests — it’s quick, routine, and confidential.
No doctor or want more privacy? Planned Parenthood and most sexual-health clinics offer affordable or free testing (often sliding scale).
Or, you can consider one of the many mail-in online tests available.
What to say
‘I’d like to get tested for STIs, including HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis — and can we talk about whether any other tests make sense for me?’
Something most people don’t know
There’s no single ‘standard STI panel.’ Different clinics include different tests, so it’s always worth asking what’s covered and requesting specific ones if you want to be sure.
If you have any symptoms, tell your provider so they can add the right tests.
A full screen usually includes (check with your clinic):
- HIV
- Syphilis
- Chlamydia & Gonorrhea
- Sometimes Hepatitis (B & C)
If you’ve had oral or anal sex, you can ask whether site-specific testing (for throat or rectum) makes sense for you — it’s based on the kinds of sex you have, not a routine step for everyone.
STI testing windows (when tests actually work)
If you’re testing because of a recent possible exposure, you don’t always need to test immediately — most STIs have a window period before they show up.
- Chlamydia & Gonorrhea: ~1–2 weeks
- HIV:
- 10–33 days (blood test)
- up to 45 days (finger prick / rapid tests)
- Syphilis: ~3–6 weeks (sometimes longer)
- Trichomoniasis: ~1 week (up to a month to be safe)
- Hepatitis B & C: ~4–10 weeks
Simple rule of thumb
Test at two weeks for common bacterial STIs, and again at six weeks to three months for full peace of mind.
Pro tip: If you have symptoms, get tested right away — don’t wait for the window.
Remember
Knowing your status isn’t about fear — it’s about clarity and care. Think of it like brushing your teeth or changing your oil — just good maintenance.
Add it to your ritual
How often you get tested depends on your sex life — not on shame, risk, or orientation.
Once a year
Your annual check-in — even if you’re in a long-term relationship. Basic body maintenance.
Every 3–6 months
If you’ve got new or multiple partners, are non-monogamous, or sometimes skip condoms — this is your peace-of-mind rhythm.
Right away
If you notice symptoms (discharge, itching, sores, pain) or a partner tests positive — just make the appointment.
Remember:
You don’t need a reason to get tested. It’s just part of caring for yourself and the people you connect with.
How to tell partners you tested positive
You just found out you have an STI… first take a deep breath. This happens to millions of people every year, you’re not alone, and it’s totally manageable. Your sex life is not doomed.
Telling past or current partners isn’t about blame; it’s about care and responsibility.
Keep it short and neutral:
“Hey, I wanted to let you know I recently tested positive for [STI]. You might want to get tested too.”
That’s all it needs to be — no guilt trip, no overexplaining.
You can text, call, or use anonymous partner notification services like STDCheck if that feels better.
💡 Remember: You’re not a bad person. You’re just being responsible and kind.
How to tell new partners you have an STI
Having an incurable STI doesn’t make you unworthy of love or sex — it just means you’ll want to talk about safety and care and be well informed.
Choose a calm, private moment before things heat up.
You can say:
“Hey, before we get physical, I want you to know I have [STI]. It’s something I manage with [medication / precautions], and I can tell you what that means for risk and protection.” Be super informed.
Most people appreciate honesty and will follow your lead. If they need time or have questions, that’s okay — openness builds trust and deepens intimacy.
If someone reacts with shame or judgment, it’s not a reflection of your worth — it’s just a sign they still have learning / unlearning to do.
For more ideas on how to disclose, check out this awesome resource.
How to use an external condom
There’s a lot of cultural noise about condoms “ruining the feeling.” Some people like them. Some don’t.
Here’s the thing: a slightly different sensation and a 30-second pause is a pretty small tradeoff compared to an STI or an unplanned pregnancy.
Condoms dramatically reduce the risk of most STIs — especially those spread through fluids — and help prevent pregnancy. They only provide partial protection for things like herpes or HPV, but they still make a big difference.
So if you and your partner decide condoms are the move… use condoms.
Quick condom notes:
- If it’s your first time, try practicing during masturbation — it’s a lot easier to figure out when the pressure’s off.
- The main ways condoms fail are breaking and slipping, so proper fit and plenty of lube are the most important factors for making them work well.
- One condom = one time. Never reuse.
- Don’t double-bag. Two condoms at once = more friction = more breakage.
- If you’re having a marathon session, change condoms after 30 minutes.
- Condoms are awesome on sex toys / strap-ons too (more on that later).
- Find your fit. Experiment until you find the right-sized condom for you.
- Ignore the whining: condoms don’t ruin sex — bad condoms + no lube do.
- You can skip spermicide condoms — regular condoms work just as well and are less likely to cause irritation.
- If you have a curable STI, get treated and hold off on sex (with or without condoms) until treatment is complete.
- Avoid lambskin/natural membrane condoms if STI protection matters. They can help prevent pregnancy, but they do not reliably protect against STIs because the membrane has pores small enough for viruses to pass through.
How to use an internal condom
The FC2 internal condom is currently the only internal condom approved by the FDA in the U.S., so it’s best to be cautious with other internal condom brands you might see online.
If you want to buy one online, the most reliable (and pretty much the only) option is the FC2 website.
As the video mentions, you may also be able to get FC2 condoms in person at many health centers, or at some drugstores with a prescription.
How to use + make a dental dam
Dental dams can be hard to find (we include them in our starter kits for a reason).
In a pinch, plastic wrap can work as a barrier — it’s better than nothing and can be a latex-free option for people with allergies. It’s just not as reliable as a real dam or condom.
Either way, it can help to write “mouth” on the giver’s side with a Sharpie so you don’t lose track. Adding a little lube to the receiver’s side can also make things feel better.
If you’re using something like Lorals for vulva-to-vulva contact, only one person should wear the latex. Latex-on-latex creates friction, which can increase the chance of tearing.
If you’re having lots of sex with dams you might consider two upgrades:
1) Dental Dam harnesses like these hold dams in place for vaginal or anal oral.
2) Check out Lorals If you want single use flashy and super sexy dental dam underwear.
Most people don’t know that brushing your teeth or shaving right before sex can increase your chances of STI transmission. Tiny cuts and abrasions make it easier for infections to spread — so: Use mouthwash instead. Trim if you like, but skip shaving right before. Or let the bush be!
How to get condoms!
Getting condoms is easy
If you’ve got a few bucks, you can grab them almost anywhere: drugstores, convenience stores, or online.
Short on cash or feeling shy? No worries — clinics, community centers, and college health offices often hand them out for free, no questions asked.
Hot tips!
If you Google “[your city] free condoms”, you’ll probably find a local program that mails them totally free and discreet.
Skip storing condoms in your car if you live somewhere that gets really hot or cold. (Extreme temps can mess with the material and make them less effective.)
Forget the gendered expectations — anyone can bring the condoms.
If you have a latex allergy, plan on bringing your own non-latex condoms to be sure you’re covered.
Lube: the secret ingredient
Lube is maybe the greatest sex toy 
of all time. It reduces friction, boosts sensation, and can turn “this is fine” into “ohhh… that.”
A quick reality check for vulva sex: sometimes you’re reaching for lube because you skipped the warm-up (foreplay matters). But needing lube doesn’t mean your body is broken or your partner isn’t hot. Bodies get dry when you’re dehydrated, stressed, using certain meds, going for a long time, using condoms, switching positions, adding toys, or just… being a human. Reapply whenever it starts to feel sticky or draggy.
And for anything anal: lube isn’t optional. Butts don’t self-lubricate. Booty play always needs lots and lots (and lots!) of lube.
Your starter kit? Water-based lube. It’s the all-rounder: safe for condoms, toys, and bodies, and feels closest to natural moisture. Just know it dries out over time, so you need to reapply often or rehydrate it by adding some water to the area.
Want to level up? Add silicone lube — super slick, long-lasting, and condom safe. Great for marathon sessions, but skip it with silicone toys.
Oils (like coconut or jojoba) feel luxurious and last, but they don’t play nice with condoms for the most part, may irritate some vulvas, and tend to stain the sheets. Jojoba is a favorite for a lot of people because it’s usually gentle — coconut is more hit-or-miss. YMMV. Avoid scented oils as they can irritate the vulva.
One golden rule: Mucous membranes (vagina and anus) are sensitive, so skip any lube with questionable ingredients (like parabens, glycerin, benzocaine, or nonoxynol-9 / ie spermicide). Also avoid numbing lubes — pain is your body’s way of saying something’s off. And opt for squirt bottles over tubs — they’re more hygenic.
When in doubt, choose clean, body-safe lubes (or simple, high-quality preferably organic oils) from brands that take ingredient safety seriously. Also, some flavored lubes use sugar as a sweetener. That’s generally fine for external use, but if it gets inside the vagina it can increase yeast infection risk — so for mixed use, non-sugar sweeteners are usually the safer bet.
As you can see lube is actually like… kinda complex. So here’s a rec… just go one of these routes:
- Buy one good water-based lube. It plays well with condoms, toys, fingers, mouths, bodies — pretty much everything. It tends to feel the most “natural,” but it can dry out quickly, so reapply as needed.
- Pro mode (optimally covered for every scenario)
- Water-based (daily driver; condom + toy friendly, not great for shower sex)
- Silicone (slick, long-lasting, great for longer sessions or water play; don’t use with silicone toys, often tastes bad for oral)
- Oil (best as massage oil; sometimes great for external play; but not compatible with Latex and polyisoprene condoms and some vulvas aren’t a fan)
What about spit?
Spit can work in a pinch, but it dries fast. Also: it can transfer STIs (mouth ↔ genitals) and can irritate anal tissue, so it’s not a great go-to for butt play.
You might’ve heard that PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis) and PEP (Post-Exposure Prophylaxis) are just for gay men — but that’s not true. Anyone at higher risk for HIV — no matter their gender, orientation, or relationship style — can use PrEP to stay safer, or PEP after a possible exposure.
PrEP is a medication for people who are more likely to come into contact with HIV — like those who have multiple partners, have a partner living with HIV, or don’t always use condoms.
PEP is a short course of medication you start within 72 hours after a potential HIV exposure.
PrEP and PEP do a lot of heavy lifting — they just don’t do all of it. Condoms and testing still matter.
For PrEP, online services like Q Care Plus and MISTR can make access much easier (and usually free): they can help with labs, prescriptions, refills, insurance or assistance programs, and discreet delivery.
For PEP, don’t wait for an online intake process. PEP is urgent and needs to start within 72 hours, ideally sooner. Go to urgent care, an ER, a sexual health clinic, or a clinician who can prescribe immediately.
How to Take PrEP
There are three main options. The best one depends on your body, your sex life, and how much planning you want to do.
1. Daily PrEP
Take one pill every day.
Keeps protection steady at all times
Best if sex is frequent or unpredictable, or if you share needles
Pair it with a daily habit to stay consistent
Note: Takes ~7 days to reach full protection for anal sex and up to about 21 days for receptive vaginal sex and injection drug use.
2. On-Demand PrEP (2-1-1)
Take pills around sex instead of daily.
Best if sex is infrequent and you can plan ahead
It has only been studied in adult MSM, is not FDA-approved, and is not recommended by CDC. But some people prefer it.
How it works:
2 pills before sex (2–24 hrs), then 1 pill 24 hrs later, and 1 more 24 hrs after that
Only studied with Truvada
Requires careful timing
3. Injectable PrEP
A shot every 2 or 6 months depending on brand.
Good if you don’t want a daily pill
Must stay on schedule to stay protected
Bottom line
Daily = simplest and most flexible
2-1-1 = fewer pills, more planning
Injectable = no daily effort, but clinic visits
Pick what you’ll actually stick with.
Doxy-PEP and the Antibiotic Trade-Off
In some areas and social circles, there’s been a shift away from condoms and toward using PrEP and doxy-PEP as a main way of managing STI risk. That’s part of how sexual culture changes when new tools show up — people try things, see what works, and adapt. It’s awesome that new tools exist.
And like most tools that actually do something, doxy-PEP comes with trade-offs that don’t always get much airtime.
First thing worth considering is that doxy-PEP doesn’t reduce the risk of HPV or herpes.
Second is that doxy-PEP is an antibiotic. Research has linked frequent antibiotic use to disruptions in the gut microbiome, with ripple effects on mood. Repeated antibiotic exposure has been consistently associated with higher levels of anxiety and depression — likely because antibiotics don’t just clear infections, they also wipe out bacteria that help keep the system balanced.
This definitely isn’t a “don’t use doxy-PEP” message. If you need it, use it! It’s more of a “maybe not your daily driver” consideration.
Many people land on a mix that feels sustainable — often PrEP and condoms as a steady baseline, with doxy-PEP as an occasional add-on.
As with most sexual health choices, there’s no single right way to do this — just informed decisions, made with both short-term and long-term well-being in mind.
Birth control possibilities
Birth control isn’t one-size-fits-all — there are options for every body and lifestyle. From pills, patches, and IUDs to condoms, implants, and fertility tracking, each method has its pros and cons. The best choice is the one that fits you. Do some research before committing. Sorry, but don’t trust your doctor to tell you everything you need to know.
A quick note on the pill + libido
People respond really differently to hormonal birth control.
Among combined oral contraceptive users,
If your sex drive went down and you want it back, it’s worth trying a different option — whether that’s another pill or a method like the ring, IUD, or implant. Different hormone combinations can feel very different in your body.
Most birth control works in one or both of two main ways: it stops ovulation, blocks sperm, or does some combination of both.
1. Hormonal methods
(pill, patch, ring, implant, shot)
These use hormones to make pregnancy much less likely — often by stopping ovulation, and also by thickening cervical mucus so sperm have a harder time getting through.
2. Hormonal IUD
A small device in the uterus that releases progestin. It mainly works by thickening cervical mucus, which makes it much harder for sperm to reach an egg. For some people, it also suppresses ovulation — but that’s not its main job.
3. Copper IUD
A non-hormonal device in the uterus. Copper interferes with sperm, making it much harder for them to move and fertilize an egg.
Hormones can affect fertility, but they aren’t reliable birth control. Some trans women still produce sperm, and some trans men can still get pregnant (even if menstruation has stopped). If you’ve had your ovaries or testes removed, pregnancy or sperm production is no longer possible. Pregnancy risk is about bodies and anatomy, not gender — so if pregnancy is on the “absolutely not” list, use contraception that covers it.
Testosterone isn’t birth control, so if pregnancy is a concern, you’ll need contraception. The same options available to cis women can work for people on testosterone, but there are a few things to keep in mind. There might be some trial and error to find that one that feels best. Some hormonal methods can interact with your HRT. If you’re using estrogen-based contraception or combined methods, make sure you have a knowledgeable provider who knows you’re on HRT. If you want to avoid estrogen, progestin-only or non-hormonal options are available.
Hormones can also change genital tissue and natural lubrication. Things might feel drier, more sensitive, or easier to irritate. This is where lube becomes your best friend — more comfort, fewer micro-tears, lower STI risk. Some trans men have used vaginal estrogen cream to help with dryness (but no worries it’s a local effect).
STIs don’t care how tissue came to be. Front holes, neovaginas, throats, and butts can all transmit STIs. Barriers, testing, and protection still apply — just match them to the kinds of sex you’re actually having. For folks who have had metoidioplasty or have genital growth from testosterone and want to try penetration, internal condoms are often the easiest and safest option if external condoms don’t fit well.
STI testing works best when it’s based on behavior. You’re allowed to ask for throat, genital, or anal testing if that’s relevant for you. Advocate for yourself. You deserve accurate care.
One last practical note: navigating the healthcare system for sexual health can be tough for anyone. It can be even tougher when you’re also dealing with transphobia. Bringing a friend or trusted advocate can make the whole experience a lot easier.
It happens: the condom broke or you didn’t use one
Take a breath. You have options.
For all sex:
- PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis)
If there’s a risk of HIV exposure, PEP can prevent infection if started within 72 hours. The sooner, the better. - STI testing
You don’t need to test immediately — most STIs have a window period. Mark your calendar and get tested at the appropriate time.
For sex where pregnancy is possible:
(all of these options work for cis and trans folks)
- Plan B (emergency contraception)
Plan B can help prevent pregnancy if taken within 72 hours, and works best the sooner you take it. Emergency contraception and abortion are not the same thing. Abortion ends a pregnancy. Emergency contraception prevents one. - Copper IUD
The copper IUD is the most effective form of emergency contraception and can be placed within five days of sex. It also provides ongoing birth control. - Pregnancy testing / abortion
Even if you took Plan B, it’s still a good idea to take a pregnancy test after a missed period (or about 2–3 weeks after sex). Pregnancy tests can get a read as early as two weeks after conception. - If you are pregnant and don’t want to be, abortion is a safe and common option.
What is Plan B?
Plan B (levonorgestrel) is emergency contraception that helps prevent pregnancy if taken within 72 hours after unprotected sex or a birth control slip-up. It works best the sooner you take it — ideally within 24 hours. It can still have some effect 72 – 120 hours, but is less reliable.
Where to get it
- Over the counter at most pharmacies — no prescription or ID needed.
- Also available at Planned Parenthood, campus clinics, and online.
- It’s often in a locked case — just ask a clerk to unlock it, or have a friend or trusted parent grab it for you.
Keeping one on hand is smart self-care — like carrying bandaids or Advil.
Know this
- Doesn’t work if you’re already pregnant.
- Won’t affect fertility.
- Not the same as the abortion pill.
- May be less effective over 165 lbs (75 kg) — ask about Ella or a copper IUD instead. For more info on which option is right for you, check out Planned Parenthood.
Takeaway
Plan B is a great Plan B when you need it.
Pregnancy testing 101
Pregnancy tests are simple, but timing matters. Home tests look for hCG, a hormone that rises after implantation. They’re most reliable after a missed period. If you don’t know when your period is due, a good rule is to test about three weeks after sex.
If you test early and it’s negative, don’t treat that as final — test again in a few days or after your period is late. First-morning urine can make early testing more accurate because it’s more concentrated.
A positive test is usually reliable. A negative test mostly means either you’re not pregnant or you tested too early. If your period still doesn’t come, test again.
A positive test is usually reliable. A negative test mostly means either you’re not pregnant or you tested too early.
Follow the instructions exactly, including when to read the result. Don’t dig a test out of the trash an hour later and panic over a faint line. Pregnancy tests are meant to be read inside the time window on the box.
Cheap tests are fine. The expensive ones may be easier to read, but they’re not magic.
Get urgent medical care if you have a positive test plus severe one-sided pelvic pain, fainting, shoulder pain, heavy bleeding, or intense dizziness. Those can be signs of an ectopic pregnancy, which can be dangerous.
How to access an abortion
Abortion is safe, common, and a personal decision. Nearly 1 in 4 American women will have an abortion by age 45. People have abortions for many reasons — and they all deserve care, respect, and access without shame or judgment.
There are two main types of abortion: medication abortion (by pill) and procedural abortion. Both are options in early pregnancy. After about 10–11 weeks, procedural abortion is the main option.
Procedural abortions are usually quick, outpatient visits — you’re not staying overnight in a hospital. Depending on the situation, you may be offered local anesthesia, sedation, or sometimes general anesthesia, but most people are in and out the same day. Both methods are safe and common forms of care.
Watch out for crisis pregnancy centers — these are often designed to look like medical clinics but are run to push an anti-abortion agenda and may give misleading information.
If you’re pregnant and figuring out next steps, you’re not alone. There are people whose whole job is to help you access real care. And entire organizations dedicating to help you cover the cost if you need financial assistance.
If you want to stop using barriers with a partner, the goal is simple: make sure neither of you has an undetected STI before you do. And, if relevant, make sure you’re on some form of birth control.
Here’s the most reliable way to get there:
1. Have a convo with your partner
Make sure you’re both on the same page that this is something you want.
2. Start with testing
Both partners get a full STI panel (HIV, syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea; consider hepatitis and possibly HSV 1&2).
3. Use protection during the window period
Even with a negative test, there’s a delay before infections show up. So for the next ~3 months, have sex only with each other and use barriers.
4. Test again at ~3 months
This catches infections that might not have shown up on the first test — especially HIV and syphilis.
5. If both tests are negative → probably good to go
At that point, you can choose to stop using barriers with a high level of confidence.
Important notes
This only works if the people in question don’t have sex with anyone else during this window.
If either partner has other partners, the clock resets.
If anything changes (new partner, symptoms, etc.), test again before dropping protection.
You could do this in groups bigger than two with lots of trust
Simple version
Test → protect for ~3 months → test again → then decide
Everyone
☐ Hep C test — once (adults 18+)
☐ Hep B vaccine — recommended for most adults if you never got it
☐ HPV vaccine — get it by 26 if you missed it; 27–45: ask + decide
☐ Hep A vaccine — worth asking about if you’re a man who has sex with men, use drugs, have HIV, have liver disease, travel to higher-risk places, or have other risk factors.
If you have a cervix
☐ 21–29: Pap every 3 years
☐ 30–65: cervical screening every 3–5 years (often every 5 years with HPV testing, depending on local guidelines and your provider)
☐ 65+: may be done based on risk factors — confirm with your clinician. If the idea of a pelvic exam is what’s keeping you from getting screened, ask your clinician about HPV self-swabs — these are becoming more available in some places.
If you have breasts / chest tissue
☐ 40–74: mammogram every 1-2 years
☐ Know what’s normal for your chest, and report changes
If you have a prostate
☐ 55–69: PSA screening — optional, decide after talking with your doc
☐ 70+: usually skip
If you think your parent or guardian would be supportive, looping them in can be a great option. But we know that’s not everyone’s situation and there are ways to access care privately.
In many places, you can get STI testing, treatment, and birth control without involving a parent. The details vary depending on where you live and how you access care, but there are usually options.
Birth control
You can often get birth control through clinics like Planned Parenthood or local health clinics. Some methods are easier to keep private than others.
IUDs and implants are long-lasting and very discreet once placed.
The pill, patch, or ring require ongoing refills, which can be harder to keep private depending on your situation.
STI testing
Many clinics offer confidential STI testing for minors. You can often go on your own and get tested without a parent being involved. If privacy is important, it’s worth asking the clinic directly how they handle confidentiality.
Abortion care
Access depends on your state — some allow minors to consent on their own, while others require some form of parental involvement. Clinics can help you understand your options and what’s possible where you live.
A few things to know
Using insurance can sometimes send information (like explanation of benefits forms) to a parent or policyholder. Clinics that specialize in sexual health are usually very experienced at helping people navigate care confidentially
If you’re unsure where to start, clinics like Planned Parenthood or local sexual health clinics can walk you through your options. You’re definitely not the first person to need this.
No. You can’t get HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, trich, or hepatitis B/C from:
– toilet seats
– hugging, cuddling, or sitting near someone
– sharing food or drinks
– coughing or sneezing
– swimming pools or hot tubs
– masturbating on your own
– dry humping with clothes on
– using a clean, non-shared towel
Kissing is very low risk — with one main exception: herpes (and occasionally syphilis) can spread through contact.
Yes! Many STIs don’t cause symptoms, especially early on. That means someone can feel totally fine and still pass something on. The only way to know for sure is to get tested.
Pregnancy requires sperm entering the vagina. Without that, pregnancy doesn’t happen.
You can’t get pregnant from:
– kissing, hugging, or cuddling
– oral sex (giving or receiving)
– semen on your skin (as long as it doesn’t enter the vagina)
– swallowing semen
– toilet seats, pools, or hot tubs
– dry humping with clothes on
– touching or being touched (no semen involved)
– masturbating on your own
– sex with someone who’s had a confirmed vasectomy
– sex after menopause
Less likely, but not impossible. Sperm can live in the body for several days, and cycles aren’t always predictable. Lower risk doesn’t mean no risk.
A few things go a long way:
– use condoms or barriers consistently
– get tested regularly (especially with new partners)
– talk openly with partners about STI status and protection
– consider tools like PrEP if HIV is a concern
What’s true?
Most STIs have no symptoms. Get tested. Feeling fine doesn’t mean you’re in the clear.
Condoms work. A lot. They dramatically reduce STI risk and prevent pregnancy — use them consistently.
Pregnancy only happens if sperm enters the vagina. No sperm, no pregnancy. (A lot of common fears aren’t real.)
PrEP is a game-changer for HIV. Taken correctly, it reduces HIV risk by ~99%.
Talk before you have sex. Protection, testing, boundaries — 30 seconds of honesty can prevent months of stress.
