Sex toys 101
(Toys designed to be used with a partner are covered in later sections)
Hands are awesome. Truly. They’re warm, responsive, and free. You don’t need anything else 
to have a good time.
Sex toys aren’t here to replace your hands — they’re here to add range. To double the fun. To offer sensations your hands can’t quite make on their own, or can but get tired doing. They’re like adding a bass line to a song you already love.
Sometimes sex toys get side-eye. That subtle internal wait, is this weird? When that happens, try this: make an analogy. Because a lot of that squirm isn’t coming from you — it’s coming from culture. From years of quiet messaging about what’s “normal” and what’s not.
You use an electric toothbrush. A blender. A phone that basically runs your entire life. You probably don’t sit there like, wow, I can’t believe I’m relying on technology to enhance my human experience. You just use the tool. That’s all a vibrator is. A tool. And humans? We are exceptional at making tools for things we care about.
The squirm usually isn’t about the thing. It’s about the story wrapped around the thing. Change the story, and suddenly it’s just… a very on-brand human behavior. If you like sex toys (no matter your gender), that doesn’t say anything strange about you. It usually just means you’re open to experimenting and following your pleasure.
A few grounding points before diving in:
Toys don’t have a gender. They get marketed like deodorant — this one’s for men, this one’s for women, this one’s for couples who compost — but you can ignore all of that. Bodies have anatomy. Nerve endings respond to sensation, not branding, so the useful question is what a toy does: pressure or vibration, broad or pinpoint, external or internal, steady or pulsing. Below you’ll find toys organized by the anatomy they’re intended for… but obvi go wild… draw outside the lines as you please.
Very importantly, not all toys are created equal — materials matter, quality varies wildly, and if you’re putting something on or in your body regularly, it’s worth choosing things that are actually made to be body-safe and to last a long time. Sex toys are a completely unregulated industry, which is wild. And most terms like “medical grade silicone” aren’t regulated either. So really the only way to ensure quality is to buy from reputable brands (aka not unknown brands from Amazon).
Before we go any further, two very common myths need busting.
Myth one: If you’re a man who likes sex toys, something sad or creepy must be happening.
Nope. It doesn’t mean you’re lonely, hiding in a basement, or lighting candles for your Fleshlight. It just means you’re curious enough to explore. And last time we checked, culture tends to admire explorers.
Myth two: If you’re a person with a vulva, vibrators will permanently desensitize you.
Also nope. Vibrators don’t ruin your sensitivity or “break” your body. Sensitivity comes back the same way it always does — through variation. (There’s a deeper dive on this one below if you’re curious.)
A final thing: at the end of the day… other people’s reviews are great… but you are unique… it’s not about loving what other people love but loving what works for you. Kinda challenging since sex toys are (logically) not returnable after use… but with some experimentation and good recommendation you might just find your new favorite thing. If you can afford it, curate a small collection of high-quality toys you’ll actually use and keep. They last longer, feel better, and will be better for the planet.
So, long story short: follow sensation not the script.
Toy safety + materials
The unsexy part that keeps it hot.
Quick reality check: sex toys are not regulated by the FDA in the way many people assume. Which means the market includes everything from heirloom-quality, body-safe masterpieces to absolute mystery goo that smells like a pool float and has no business anywhere near your mucous membranes.
If you skip everything else, remember this:
- Buy from brands that aren’t sketchy.
- Stick to non-porous materials — silicone, glass, metal, or sealed ABS plastic.
- Use condoms when sharing toys.
- Use condoms for anal play with porous toys — or anytime a toy is going from anus to vagina.
1. Materials matter. A lot.
The material determines how easy a toy is to clean, how likely it is to hang onto bacteria or odors, and how much trust you can place in it long-term.
Generally very safe | These are the easiest, safest defaults.
100% silicone
Silicone is non-porous, body-safe, and usually the best all-around option. One caveat: labels like medical-grade and platinum-cured sound reassuring, but they are not tightly protected terms in the sex toy world. Brand reputation matters more than marketing poetry. Amazon is full of toys claiming to be “100% silicone” that are probably 100% lying.
Borosilicate glass
High-quality borosilicate glass made for sex is body-safe, smooth, and non-porous. Random decorative glass from Etsy is not the same thing. No gambling with shards.
Stainless steel
Non-porous, durable, easy to clean, and great if you like temperature play. You can cool it down or warm it in a bath of warm water.
Sealed hard plastics like ABS
ABS is firm, smooth, and non-porous. It’s often used in external vibrators and toy shells.
These materials usually feel smooth, solid, and intentional. Silicone tends to have a matte, silky finish rather than a shiny or oily one. Glass and steel are hard and weighty. ABS feels firm and polished.
One practical note: rechargeable toys tend to be better sealed and more reliable over time than battery-powered ones.
Almost always a no | These are not usually the safest default.
+ Jelly / Jelly rubber
+ Often PVC with mystery softeners you can’t really verify.
+ Many TPE / TPR toys
+ Sometimes fine in context, but still porous and lower-trust than non-porous materials.
These are often the very soft, hyper-squishy, translucent or brightly colored toys that feel a little oily or rubbery to the touch. They’re commonly cheap, bendy, and shaped like classic dildos or sleeves. Some stay lightly sticky even after washing. If it smells like a pool float or leaves residue on your hands, that’s a clue.
Also in the nope pile:
+ vague labels like “soft plastic” with no specifics
+ anything very cheap, included as a free gift, or bought from an off-brand Amazon seller
+ toys that arrive unsealed, damaged, or just feel… off, even if they’re technically new
Trust your senses here. If something smells strongly chemical, feels oily or tacky, or leaves residue after washing, don’t use it.
Important nuance for penis toys
Some reputable penis sleeves are intentionally made from softer, porous materials — often elastomer or TPE — because that’s what creates the ultra-soft, skin-like feel. While non-porous materials are still easier and lower-maintenance, these sleeves are generally fine for solo use with basic care: wash them right after use, dry them completely, and don’t share them. If you do share, use a condom.
This matters a bit less for penises than for vulvas because penises have less mucous membrane surface area to absorb chemicals through.
2) When condoms on toys are your best friend
Use a condom on a toy when:
+ you’re sharing it between partners
+ you’re switching from anal to vaginal use
+ you’re using a porous toy
+ you want easier cleanup
Important clarity: a condom can stay on a toy for one body, one use. Any time the toy moves to a different person, a different opening, or a different context, use a new condom.
Sharing sex toys can pass STIs. Treat shared toys the way you’d treat genitals: cover them, clean them, and don’t “eh, it’s probably fine” your way into a UTI or a clinic appointment.
Using condoms on porous toys is less about being extra cautious and more about not turning your toy into a long-term memory keeper of everywhere it’s been. Once bacteria, fluids, or odors get into those pores, they’re not really leaving.
So the hierarchy looks like this:
Non-porous toys — silicone, glass, metal, ABS: clean well; condoms optional but helpful.
Porous toys — jelly, TPE, TPR, elastomer: condoms are the move, especially for anal.
3) Lube + toys: what plays nice with what
There’s a deeper dive in the lube section. This is just the quick refresher.
Water-based lube is the easiest default. It works with condoms and basically all toy materials.
Silicone lube + silicone toys generally don’t play nice over time. It can degrade the surface of the toy.
Oil-based lube is best kept to non-motorized toys. Motors and oil don’t play nice.
4) Cleaning
How to not make your toy a bacteria timeshare
For non-porous toys
For silicone, glass, metal, and ABS: warm water and mild soap is usually enough. Rinse well. Dry fully.
If the toy is waterproof, great. Wash away. If it’s not — or the motor isn’t fully sealed — keep water away from seams and charging ports and wipe carefully instead.
Yes, you can buy “toy cleaners,” but most are just gentle cleansers in a sexier, more expensive bottle. Nice to have. Not necessary.
If you want to go extra: some silicone, glass, and metal toys can be boiled to sterilize them — but only if they have no motor, no batteries, and no mystery parts.
For porous toys
You can wash them, but you cannot fully sanitize them. This is where condoms earn their paycheck.
And one last thing: if a toy ever causes irritation, burning, unusual odor, or discharge, stop using it. No loyalty to a piece of silicone.
5) Storage
Small thing. Big payoff.
Let toys dry completely before putting them away.
High-quality silicone toys will not melt just because they touch each other. That’s mostly myth. But there are plenty of fake or blended “silicone” toys out there and those can get weird.
So:
If you trust the material, storing them together is generally fine.
If you don’t, give them a little personal space
Honestly, this all loops back to the same boring but very sexy rule:
Buy from brands that aren’t sketchy.
Because once you trust the material, everything else gets simpler.
6) The whole thing in one breath
+ Buy from reputable brands.
+ Default to non-porous materials.
+ Use condoms for sharing, porous toys, and anal-to-vaginal switching.
+ Clean non-porous toys with soap and water.
+ Treat cheap mystery materials like they are, in fact, mysterious.
Toys for vulvas & vaginas
Vulva/vagina toys are generally designed in two different lanes:
Vulva toys = external sensation
(clitoris + surrounding tissue)
Vagina toys = internal sensation
(fullness, pressure, g-region, cervix, etc.)
Some toys stay firmly in one lane. Some flirt with both. Some people love one lane, both lanes, or switch depending on the day.
Even if a toy is designed for external or internal use, you can absolutely experiment. Many toys can be used externally, internally, or both. The vagina (very unlike the anus!) is a cul-de-sac. Your toys will not get lost in there.
A few helpful notes:
- About half of people with vulvas in the U.S use vibrators — and those who do tend to report higher desire, easier arousal, better orgasms, and less pain, with almost no side effects. Side effects, when they do occur, tend to be mild (like temporary numbness or irritation) and not long-lasting.
- If vibration ever feels “numbing,” it’s not permanent — it’s just too much in one spot for too long. Change angle, change pressure, take breaks, switch sensations.
- If penetration isn’t always your cup of tea, that’s cool. Many people simply prefer external stimulation, or want external added to make internal feel worth it.
- People are often confused about the difference between dildos and vibrators. The difference, though, is pretty simple. Dildos don’t vibrate. Sensation comes from shape, pressure, and movement. Vibrators, well… vibrate. Sensation comes primarily from vibration, whether used externally, internally, or both. Vibrators sometimes look like dildos and often don’t. The term vibrator is actually an umbrella term for a massively varied ocean of sex toy types.
- Vibrators don’t have to be glued to the clit. A lot of people love using them around it on nearby areas, or over underwear, through sheets or blankets so the sensation stays fuller, softer, and less overwhelming.
- The best toy is the one that makes you curious to use it again. Not the one you feel like you should like.
- If you’re shopping in person, test the vibration on the tip of your nose to get a quick sense of its strength. You’ll look silly for three seconds, but you might save yourself a return.
If you’ve ever wondered, did I mess up my clit? — you’re not alone. There’s a lot of misinformation out there about vibrators.
Let’s walk through this, because the science is pretty comforting.
First: Are Vibrators Safe for Long-Term Use?
Yes — totally.
Medical research and sexual health experts agree: vibrators don’t cause lasting numbness or damage.
Some people (about 16%) feel a little temporary “numbness” or buzzing afterward — but it’s kind of like how your lips feel tingly after using an electric toothbrush. It fades.
No peer-reviewed study has ever shown permanent desensitization from normal vibrator use.
Your genitals are full of nerve endings that regenerate, adapt, and recover quickly. That’s what they’re built to do.
So Why Might Things Feel “Off”?
If you’re used to super strong vibes, softer touch (like fingers or mouths) might feel a little meh in comparison. That’s not damage — it’s just your body adjusting to a different vibe (literally).
This is called neural habituation — your brain gets used to a certain input, and it can take a minute to recalibrate. A little break, a change in technique, or even switching toys is usually all it takes to bring things back online.
Why Orgasming Alone Might Feel Easier
This one’s real. Many people find it easier to orgasm alone with a vibrator than with a partner and no toy.
That’s not a red flag — it’s just how bodies and brains work sometimes. When you’re solo:
You get to focus only on yourself
You know what you like
There’s zero pressure to perform or please someone else
Also… let’s just be honest… lots of partners are still learning everything… some don’t know where the clit is (show them), and a penis can never replicate a Magic Wand. If you go into partnered sex expecting that same specific flavor of intensity, it might fall short — but that’s about expectations, not injury.
The Big Picture
Vibrators don’t “ruin” sensitivity — they often improve it.
Any changes are usually temporary and totally normal. Take a break and switch up your routine.
If something feels off, it’s more likely about stress, pressure, or needing a little variation — not something broken inside you.
Your body is wise. You can trust it — and adapt right alongside it.
External vulva toys
“Turn it on and see god.”
This is the “skip the small talk” category: vibration on the vulva, straight to the nerve-rich truth.
Best for: “I want it now,” “my hand is tired,” “I like a steady beat I can melt into.”
“Tiny but unhinged.”
Think precise + portable. Less “full-body takeover,” more “right there — no, right there.” Great for learning what specific spots you like, layering sensation, or sneaking pleasure into moments where subtlety matters. Bullet vibes are small and streamlined; finger vibes are similar in size and sensation, but include a loop or strap so they can attach to your finger.
Best for:
“I like it targeted,” “I’m figuring out what my body likes,” “travel-sized chaos.”
“A very specific kind of wow.”
Not a vibrator, exactly. High-sensation stimulation through air pulses rather than direct vibration — surprisingly powerful… surprisingly polarizing.
High sensation with less friction, which can feel like magic or like “no thank you” depending on your wiring. Can be used on the nipples too.
Best for: light touch big sensation, people who get rubbed raw easily, “how is this even legal?” bliss moments.
“Feels like your hand, but it never cramps”
This is the slow burn, sink-in, exhale-your-shoulders category: broad, cozy vibration that spreads instead of pokes.
Think cupped + grounded + meltable. Less “do something to me,” more “stay right there while my nervous system purrs.” These are for people who like pressure, warmth, and sensation that moves with the body instead of buzzing on top of it.
Best for:
“I want broad contact,” “pinpoint is too much,” “I like to move my hips,” “I want pleasure to feel embodied, not frantic.”
“Pleasure, but make it multitask.”
This is the set-it-and-let-it-simmer category: toys designed to stay put while you move, grind, cuddle, dance, exist.
Think positioned + sneaky + body-led. These are less about precision and more about rhythm, pressure, and letting the body do what it already knows how to do.
Best for: “I want to stay present,” “I like movement,” “I want stimulation without holding anything,” “I want pleasure to feel integrated, not interruptive.”
Internal vaginal toys
“Fullness. Pressure. The inside-hug lane.”
Within vibrating internal toys, there are two main lanes.
Some are g-region–focused — curved on purpose, all about oh, there you are. Others are more general — straighter shapes that spread sensation and light things up inside.
Same lane, different attention styles. You might love one, the other, or swap depending on the day.
Best for: fullness lovers, g-region curiosity, “I want something to push against.”
“No volume. Long echo.”
This is the no buzz, all presence category: sensation that comes from shape, pressure, and stretch instead of vibration.
Think fill + lean + press. These toys work because they’re there — something to move against, breathe around, or settle into. Slow builds. Deep attention. No batteries required.
Everything from classic silicone dildos to crystal mystical wands. The best ones will last long enough to take with you to the grave.
Best for: “I like fullness,” “I want something to push against,” “slow and grounded beats fast and buzzy.”
“Two hands on the wheel. Potentially incredible. Occasionally fussy.”
Designed to hit the clit and deliver internal sensation at the same time. Of Sex and the City fame.
When it fits, it’s like your body starts speaking in fluent Italian. When it doesn’t, it’s like trying to keep a hair clip on in a wind tunnel.
Best for: people who like “both/and,” who don’t mind a little positioning, who want maximum sensation stacking.
A recommended first toy (if you’re getting one thing)
Start with a simple external vibrator: comfortable to hold, easy to aim, high success rate.
Why this is the best “first” for most people
+ works even without a whole warmup ritual
+ teaches your preferences (broad vs pinpoint, steady vs patterns)
+ no internal touch required
Pick one:
Dame Pom — broad-to-targetable external stimulation; soft, hand-friendly.
Unbound Zip — bullet-style, super targeted, easy starter.
If you already know you dislike vibration: skip to the quiver-of-two and choose a non-vibe insertable + a non-vibe external touch toy.
A “quiver of two” (two toys that cover a lot of ground)
If you want a tiny toolkit without building a nightstand museum:
1 external vibe + 1 insertable
That combo gives you:
+ external stimulation (clit included, always)
+ optional internal sensation (when you want it)
+ the ability to mix them or keep it simple
Two great combo options:
Combo A: “I want vibration outside + targeted inside”
Dame Pom (external)
Dame Arc (vibrating internal, g-region–friendly shape)
Combo B: “Outside buzz + inside pressure (no motor)”
Unbound Zip or Dame Pom (external)
njoy Pure Wand (non-vibe internal pressure; legendary for g-/p-spot seekers)
Alt: Unbound Stellar (glass, also non-vibe; good for people who like firm + sleek).
Put stone, glass, or metal toys in warm / hot water before hand to heat them up.
Toys for penises
First things first: most people with penises have been handed a pretty tiny pleasure menu.
It’s basically: grip + friction + speed + orgasm ASAP. On one hand… very efficient. On the other hand… it leaves a lot on the table.
It misses texture, rhythm, variation, and the full range of what pleasure can feel like. This style of masturbation can quietly train your body to finish fast while actually feeling less pleasure during partnered sex (vaginas and anuses just can’t replicate the lubeless death grip).
Penis toys expand that menu. They add texture, pressure, rhythm, and new kinds of sensation — so pleasure isn’t just “harder/faster,” it’s different.
A helpful way to think about penis toys is in a few lanes:
- Strokers / sleeves = new textures + pressure (the “your hand, but with range” lane)
- Rings = staying power + heightened sensation (sometimes with vibration)
- Vibration / oscillation toys = stimulation that isn’t just stroking (including options that can feel good even without a full erection)
A few helpful notes:
- A lot of people assume penis toys are “for lonely creepy men.” In reality penis toys don’t have to mean anything about your life other than a willingness to explore. They can be solo. They can be partnered. They can be an addition, a curiosity experiment, a Tuesday-night snack. No morals attached.
- If something starts feeling numb or “too intense,” same rule as anywhere else: move it, vary it, take breaks. More sensation isn’t always better sensation. Any toy that limits blood flow (i.e., cock rings) shouldn’t be worn for more than 30 minutes at a time.
- If you’ve only ever orgasmed one way, that’s probably not a personality trait. It’s just a habit. Toys are one of the easiest ways to explore different speeds, different pressure, different endings.
- The best toy is the one that makes you want to use it again. Not the one you think you’re supposed to like.
“Your hand… with a better imagination.”
This is the upgrade-the-grip category: texture, suction, and pressure that makes “same old, same old” feel brand new — without needing a whole production.
Think cozy sleeve (stroker), open-ended (partner-friendly), flip-open (easy to clean), or strokers designed for bottom growth.
Best for: “I want variety,” “I want to last longer,” “I want pleasure without death-gripping myself into oblivion.”
“Press start. Enter other dimension.”
This is the fancy coffee maker of penis toys: engineered sensation that can feel wildly different than a hand — more layered, more precise, more wow.
Think vibration + texture, or “air pulse” style stimulation that focuses on the head/frenulum area.
Best for: “I want something new,” “my usual moves aren’t hitting,” “I want intense without going faster.”
“Stay awhile.”
This is the hold-the-peak category: a snug ring at the base that can help maintain hardness, boost sensation, and (if/when vibrating) give partners a little bonus too.
Think soft + stretchy for beginners.
Best for: “I want to feel fuller,” “I want to last longer,” “I want something we can use together.”
“Turn your penis into the vibrator.”
This category is exactly what it sounds like: toys that wrap around the shaft so vibration hits from multiple sides — great for solo, great for oral, great for making things feel… upgraded.
Think more coverage, less pinpoint.
Best for: “I like vibration but not just on one spot,” “I want something partner-friendly,” “I want sensation without a marathon stroke session.”
“Small vibe plot twist.”
This is the don’t-overthink-it category: a tiny vibrator used on the head, frenulum, shaft, or perineum. It’s not “a penis toy” so much as a sensation tool that happens to work beautifully on penises.
Best for: “I want targeted stimulation,” “I want to explore without committing to a whole device,” “I want something that plays well with partner sex.”
“Pleasure without the wrist workout.”
This is the lean back and receive category: toys that stimulate without requiring a classic stroking motion — often using oscillation/pulsing contact that can work even without a full erection.
Best for: “I want hands-free,” “I want less friction and more sensation,” “I want to take performance pressure off the table.”
A recommended first toy / quiver of one for penises
Start with a simple stroker / sleeve. High success rate, easy learning curve, and it teaches your body that pleasure isn’t just “grip harder, go faster, end scene.”
Why this is the best one-thing pick for most people
+ reliably feels good (the penis equivalent of “start with an external vibe”)
+ adds texture + pressure variety without needing a new skillset
+ helps undo the “death-grip = the only way” habit
+ works solo, and some styles fold into partnered play pretty seamlessly
Pick one:
TENGA FLIP Zero — flip-open for easy cleaning, with pressure pads that let you change vacuum and internal pressure while you use it.
Arcwave Ghost — simple, sleek, reversible textured sleeve; great if you want low-fuss and portable.
If you already know you hate sleeves / stroking:
Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo — oscillating stimulation (not just vibration) designed to work with or without a full erection.
Toys for butts (anal toys)
First things first: people’s eyes are bigger than their butts.
Anal pleasure is real, available, and often amazing — but the entry fee is patience. Size is not the flex. Comfort is. Anal play doesn’t require insertion. Any small vibrator or massager can be used externally around the anus or on the perineum — and for many people, that’s plenty.
Anal toys mostly fall into a few lanes:
Plugs = “stay-put” pressure/fullness.
More about steady presence than thrusting.
Insertables (for motion) = toys designed to move in and out once you’re warmed up.
Not beginner gear. No rush.
Prostate toys (for people with prostates) = curved for internal pressure on the prostate.
Often smaller than people expect. Because… eyes are bigger than butts.
One very important note: the anus is not a cul-de-sac. It’s a vacuum. Anything going in needs a flared base or needs to be attached to a body. Always.
No “just this once.” This is one of those rules that exists because people learned it the hard way. If you don’t believe us do a google image search for x-rays.
The anus is not a cul-de-sac. It’s a vacuum. Anything going in needs a flared base or needs to be attached to a body. Always.
“A subtle or not so subtle fullness”
This is the stay-put fullness category: steady pressure you can breathe around, move with, and forget you’re wearing until you very much remember.
Think small starter plugs, tapered shapes, or vibrating plugs once you’re comfy.
Best for: “I like pressure,” “I want that held feeling,” “I want anal to feel grounding, not intense.”
“Not a sprint. A glide.”
This is the movement category: toys designed for in-and-out only after you’re warmed up and wanting more sensation.
Think smooth + tapered, not giant + ambitious. No rush. Your butt is not impressed by your bravery.
Best for: experienced anal folks, “I want motion,” “I want a bigger sensation range once I’m already relaxed.”
“Small curve. Big pleasure.”
This is the front-wall treasure hunt category: curved toys designed to press internally on the prostate. Some vibrate, some don’t
Often smaller than people expect because — say it together — eyes bigger than butts (and prostates don’t require a canoe).
Best for: “I want internal pleasure that builds,” “I want that ‘how is this real’ feeling,” “I want hands-free-ish pressure.”
“Slow in. Slow out.”
This is the graduated sensation category: a series of beads designed to be added one at a time, then often enjoyed most on the way out.
Think build + pause + timing. Less about fullness, more about noticing change. These aren’t a rush toy, and they’re definitely not a size contest.
Best for: people who like pacing, sensation that evolves, and the feeling of something happening over time.
A recommended first toy (if you’re getting one thing)
Start with a small, soft silicone plug with a tapered tip + a truly flared base. The best anal toy is the one that makes you think, I’d try that again. Not the one that looks impressive in a screenshot.
Why this is the best “first” for most people
+ low skill ceiling: insert, breathe, exist
+ teaches your preferences: fullness vs stretch, stillness vs motion, shallow vs deeper
+ hands-free (which is… a whole lifestyle)
+ no motor required (vibration can be amazing, but it can also be a lot when you’re new)
Our pick:
Maude Cone — beginner-friendly, body-safe silicone, tapered tip, flared base, designed for that “oh… I get it” fullness without feeling like you’re trying to swallow a traffic cone.
Sex toys are great. Truly. No shame needed.
Buy from reputable brands.
Stick to non-porous materials — silicone, glass, metal, or sealed ABS plastic.
Use condoms when sharing toys.
Use condoms for porous toys in anal play — or anytime a toy is going from anus to vagina.
